Saturday, September 1, 2012

I would never write something like that, by the way!

There has yet to come a time when I've said to myself, "Boy,this Cosmo article speaks the eloquent truth."

Case in point. . .(my comments are in italics)

8 Words that Most Liars Use

This is the picture from the article.  Look at this liar.
He's lying right now.  Probably.
Odds are, you and your guy have a great relationship, and the only lies he tells are little fibs. But it's good to know how to spot the signs he could be telling a whopper. Lie detection expert Janine Driver, author of the new book, You Can't Lie to Me, fills us in on the words that give away a liar.

By Korin Miller

Sure, sometimes 'left' is the only word you can use in a situation, but there's some kind of drama involved when he uses it in place of another word that will do (think: "I left the bar at six" vs. "I went home at six"). It could be due to his desire to "leave" the lie behind.

Because, obviously, we're always searching through the excuse files in our heads for "another word that will do."  Most people aren't like me in that they are constantly sifting through a biologically grown thesaurus that sits just to the right of her left temporal lobe.  Most people just say stuff.  And, call me crazy, but the example given?  "I left the bar" indicates a far more specific answer than "I went home."  You went home?  From where?  Tell me or I swear I'll never forgive you.  I'm going to stay at my mother's!!!

The big thing to look out for is when he says "never" when "no" will do. It's a sign he's overcompensating. For example, if you ask, "Did you just look at that girl's butt?" and he says, "Never!"

Obama may not have been looking at her bum.
But now you are.
This one might be legitimately correct.  But, ladies.  Just stop asking him if he looked at that girl's butt and he doesn't have to say anything.  Trust first.  Every time you are together doesn't have to be a constant validation of your overwhelming importance over another.

I recall a time when Adam caught himself checking out a girl from behind at The Home Depot when he was working there.  Unbeknownst to either of us at the time, it was me.  I'd stopped by with my father-in-law to get some-such-thing-or-whatever.  I remember wondering if it was supposed to be funny or infuriating.  Turns out it was funny.  Because we're in love and trust one another and it was actually nice to know he'd choose me again if he had to. :)

Like never, it depends on how he uses it. If he puts "that" in front of a noun, like "that woman" or "that money," it's a subconscious attempt for him to distance himself from the word. This is a common trick of manipulators.

This isn't fair.  Distancing yourself is a defense tool of the innocent as well as the liar.  This goes for girl "liars," too.  If you're caught between a rock and a hard place that is not of your doing, "that" is less manipulative and more of a frenzied reactionary word.  "Me thinks the lady doth protest too much" is not really a thing.  When we protest and are still not to be believed, it is dang frustrating as all get out!!  And if it's something important or severe, you better be sure we're gonna argue until we're blue in the face because no one likes to be mistrusted.

If he skips "no" and goes straight to "I would never do something like that!" when talking about a past event, be wary. For example, "Are you still talking to your ex?" "I would never do that to you!" "Would never" suggests that he plans to do it in the future.
Southern Gentleman?
Brought to you by the Cumberbatch
Should Be Pendergast Foundation

I'm a bit confused.  Doesn't this fit under "never?"  I'm thinking this should really be titled "7 Phrases That Most Liars Use.

"Yes, ma'am" 
If your guy is a Southern gentleman, then this doesn't apply. But if he suddenly says "ma'am" to you out of nowhere, be cautious. It's a sign that he feels like he's feeling stressed and knows he's in trouble.

For lying, specifically?  Or just because he forgot to take the garbage out and you berated him in front of his friends and he's being sarcastically nasty?

"He feels like he's feeling"???  Okay.

"By the way…" 
Liars use phrases like this to try to minimize what they say next-but usually it's what's most important to the story. Pay extra attention to what he says afterward.

Really?  "By the way?"  So, when I tell Adam, "By the way, I'll get the mail today," I must make like a Weasley twin and solemnly swear that I am up to no good.  If we're being honest, I think this phrase is, more often than not, used to preface a sentence or idea that a woman probably doesn't want to hear but is not necessarily a lie.  As in, "By the way, honey, I'm going golfing with the boys this Saturday."

Liars usually try to downplay what they say with this word, so pay attention when he says something like, "I know this is going to sound strange, but…" or "I know you think I'm lying, but…"

Let's not go off on a tangent about ifs, ands, and buts.  "But" is obviously a word that often negates what came before it but tries to soften what comes after.  It's not used just for lying.  It's used in any uncomfortable situation where we're trying to be thoughtful and compassionate, yet honest!

"Why would I do that?" 
It's a favorite stalling line of liars, so they can buy a little time to work out what to say next. These phrases also fit the bill: "What kind of person do you think I am?", "Are you calling me a liar?", and "I knew this was going to happen to me!"

Ok, this is a pretty good one.  BUT (hehehe) it's also unfair considering the number of untrusting, broken, and ridiculously unhealthy baggage-riddled relationships we have out there.  The person  reading this article who will absolutely take it to heart is probably the person who needs to hear it the least.  Because they already mistrust their partner.  And they've already confronted them on a number of occasions.  Possible warranted.  Perhaps not.  Either way, anyone's reaction after constantly being bombarded with accusations is going to be the aforementioned questions.

Seeing as how this is one of the rare Cosmo articles NOT about how to be naked the right way, I thought I'd give it a chance.  But do we really need more reasons to not trust one another?  Should we be listening for clue words which I, as a teacher, can tell you are on the Fry High Frequency Word List and are named such because they are the words you will see and hear most often in both reading and conversation?
While a few of these might be spot on if you're already concerned and have a habitual liar on your hands, this article should be entitled 8 Ways We Can Be More Paranoid and, Therefore, Naggy and Unreasonable.

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