Old People Music

Well. I'm officially an old fogey. After watching the 53^rd Grammy awards last night, I've come to realize that all this music just sounds like noise to me. I feel like my old Pap who would always throw on some awful crooner record with the scent of incense and old lady perfume in the air, then come over to my house as I listened to the Toadies or Silverchair and exclaim, “What is that? Is that a garbage truck backing up into another garbage truck?”

I am 1 year and 4 months away from 30. Does this happen this soon? I'm afraid if I try to google oldies, I might come up with 3^rd Eye Blind or the Pixies. Are we all destined to become our parents? Or at least our grandparents. Granted, it took a few years of experience to be ready when we discovered our parents' old records of the Byrds, Queen, Bowie, CCR and the Zep but not too many of us ever fell over for Chuck Berry or Perry Como.

I find myself longing for the days of quiet talent. Not opening ceremonies that depict 5 belters vying for the position of loudest and most runs on one syllable. Not insanely theatrical presentations that overcompensate for the music as the forefront art. I'm not that into them but thank God for Lady Antebellum. At least they remember how to use harmony. I should probably be into them. I just can not bring myself to give any of my heart to country. I'm so stubborn. Plus, they'll just make me cry. Every last one of them.

I am that annoying underground hipster. The one who uses phrases like “sell out” and starts to hate a band as soon as they reach the surface. I'm just kidding. I hate those people. But I do love indie music with all my longing-to-be-a-true-hipster-it's-just-actually-really-expensive-even-though-it-gives-the-appearance-of-complete-passivity heart.

Imagine my surprise when, after watching Gaga and Eminem grace the stage to accept their awards, Arcade Fire won best album. Although I find it incredibly strange how they can win best album overall and yet still lose out to best album in their own genre. . .I'm still totally over the moon for them. Another great highlight was a performance by the Avett Bros. Good stuff. And Mick Jagger's first appearance on the Grammy stage.

First? Really? What took so long? How glad I am that I did not exist in the 60's because, though I adore the Beatles now, I'm afraid I would have either completely ignored them because of my abhorrence of the screaming and crying girls or I would have been a total closet fan. In public, I'd have been a Stones girl for sure.

So, okay – popular tunes are not music to my ears. So what do I like? Oh how I dread that question from a new friend. What do you say? I don't want to sound like an elitist jerk and be all, “Probs nothing you hear on the radio. *pffsnort*” And I don't want to sound like a vague mimic of coolness by throwing my hands in my pockets and spouting, “I'm into the indie, underground stuff.” That is so annoying.

You can immediately disregard the years between 10 and 16. That never counts and is better left unsaid as we should never be accountable for our decisions, at least musically, at such an age. I mean my first cassette tapes were Paula Abdul's Forever Your Girl and Quiet Riot's single Cum On Feel the Noize. I'll have you know the latter was the first heavy metal hit to grace the Top 5 of Billboard's Top 100.

I suppose my musical awakening began with Silverchair, continued with the likes of the Pixies, followed by Weezer and culminated in a conglomerate of anything with a wicked keyboard solo and simple vocals. I actually owned Christina Aguilera's first cd and not only because I got it for a penny from the secret underground caverns of BMG Entertainment. I actually did like her. Now I think she's a hot mess. Excluding her Super Bowl performance of the national anthem. That's a hard song to sing. Many before her have made the same mistake. I'm talking about insisting on using all 4 octaves of her once beautiful and controlled voice in every song. It's just irritating now. I'm so over it. A talent in excess.

And so much music now, like everything else these days, is done for us by computers. I love how directors and writers keep making movies about robots taking over. It's always pretty literal but  for crying out loud.  Take a look around.  We've been had.

I'm destined to become a defender of my music as all old people of past generations have been. My children will probably find my old cds or, at this rate, mp3s or some other such nonsense and love it because it's so vintage or hate it because it's too authentic and tangible to their bleeding ears.

Florence and the Machine, I'm sorry to admit you're right. The dog days are over.