1. I couldn't dress myself.
2. Don't even mention the bathroom.
3. My dad took over the music to the tune of every lame wedding song imaginable.
4. I had to slow dance in front of people.
5. The food became a strict eat-with-your-eyes-only situation.
I'm not sure when the Hey-hey-look-at-me-look-guys-look-at-me-HEY-GUYS-GUYS-LOOK-AT-ME-GUYS persona was replaced with a mousy wallflower but I tend to blend in with my surroundings whenever I can. Snapshot from yesterday evening as I leaned against a wall splashed with candles, minding my own sweet boring business when one of the bridesmaids grabs my hand and drags me out onto the dance floor.
It is 1,000 degrees. I am only just hovering on the edge of Chinese foot binding with new 4 inch heels. Plus. . .I'm not really so crazily in love with dancing that I can just jump in with a band of strange, sweaty, drunk contortionists.
I am not a big fan of the dancing circle of girls - as if to say to the world, "We're ladies and we don't need no man. We just need to DANCE!" The entire time is spent making odd duck-face lip protrusions and shouting, "WHAT?" back and forth until one loses their voice or makes up some lame cover and excuses herself from the entourage for a brief respite. There's also that awkward moment when the synthesized kick-drum gives out to easy listening and all the single ladies (all the single ladies) are left eyeing the floor for anything with a 5 o'clock shadow.
All kidding aside, the reception was fantastic. Good friends, delicious buffet of grilled cold veggies and yummy towers of bursting fruit, some weird cheeses (some of which clearly tasted like what I imagine a foot must), and an impromptu lesson on the origins of the Jordan almond.
The wedding itself was absolutely beautiful. The setting was this old Catholic church in Seattle - gorgeous red-bricks, probably hand-laid one-by-one. It was definitely the least ornate Catholic church I've ever seen in person. It was humble and full of history. And absolutely perfect. Thank goodness the sun decided to come out and play after what could only have been the beginnings of another possible ark assembly. The grand way that the rays shone through the stained glass windows and down upon the altar where the bride and groom stood - it was radiant, to say the least. Couldn't have asked for better weather.
I have been to a few Catholic weddings and some scattered masses. No disrespect to those of Catholic persuasion but I have often felt like a complete outsider, not privileged enough to know all the lines of a play everyone else has been practicing for centuries. I think it's fair to assume that, with a gathering of mixed-faith peoples, one should feel comfortable enough to abstain from the Catholic habits and traditions because A. one should not have to perform any acts that either mean nothing or at least not the same thing as the way they are intended in that instance and B. one would think it is disrespectful to those who DO find special meaning in it if someone does so haphazardly or without full intent.
Suffice it to say - there was no kneeling, chanting, or repeating of prayers from this girl. Even if my protestant background familiarized me with quite a bit of what I saw last night.
The Father presiding gave an incredibly charming talk about love. I was in the presence of a charismatic man who was using that God-given charisma for good and righteousness. And not just a touch of humour. He spoke of 4 kinds of love, using the Greek roots in order to make some rather poignant notes. A great refresher course for those of us who have been married for a few years now. Adam and I are fast approaching the 7-year itch this summer.
1. Eros - The passionate, romantic love.
2. Storge - The constant, affectionate love.
3. Philia - The love of friendship.
4. Agape - The love of God.
Of course, Eros goes without saying. That is the love the Father, in his I-promise-to-be-brief address likened to Saturday night love. Storge is Monday morning love. A-har-de-har-har.
Both are needed for a successful, long-lasting and fulfilling marriage. Storge, or affection, is often lumped together with Eros, or desire, but it is something entirely different. Eros is necessary but it is also derived from the natural man. Affection is quiet love. It is fondness. It is the love that makes us want to sacrifice our time, our money, ourselves to make someone other than ourselves happy. Affection comes in many forms - flowers, a kind and loving note, a hug when the recipient most needs it, sweet words, help with a task, etc, etc, on and on and on. Many of these actions can be performed devoid of affection but it is affection that makes them worthy of being called storge. Storge is the "just because" love.
Philia, or friendship, connotes loyalty and familiarity. Desire and affection can sometimes, unfortunately, be a one-way street. But philia must be mutual. Its definition is dependent on reciprocity. Aristotle has said that one's friend is another one's self. When two persons are joined as one in marriage, this is what occurs.
The Father was clever enough to mention that, when becoming one in union, it is important to retain oneself and one's character. I like that reminder. The goal of becoming one is not to become the same person. But to, in many ways, become one in purpose. A husband and wife should be working from the same objectives even if they are eventually reached in different manners. The idea is to reach together, grow together, build together. And to do so as friends.
Agape is a word I've heard lots of in my Mom's church. This is the love most closely associated with the love of God. Agape is the kind of love we should give one another because it is the same assured and unmitigated love that God has for us. He did, after all, command us to love one another. Agape is the love we should have, not only because of who someone is, but often in spite of who they are.
Warts and all, agape is unconditional. It is acceptance. It is important to remember in times of crisis or stress. And in an increasingly stressful and unstable world, it is imperative to know that agape is real and within reach. In fact, it is the duty of those who understand it to live it, to express it, to spread it around like wildfire!
I love that the Father addressed not only the bride and groom but the rest of the congregation, whether married, divorced, single - We must shout to the world, and do so loudly. Not with our voices. But with our actions of love. Let us display what love is like, how love changes everything.
It is not the gooey-eyed, rose-tinted-glasses, everything is new and exciting love that makes a relationship last. Though I find myself realizing, with each day that passes, the change of that initial sappy hullabaloo into something deeper, something that transcends physicality or prevalence, it's astonishingly delightful to stop falling in love and just be in it.
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