Earlier, the most effervescent and adorable child I've ever seen, dealing with brittle bone disease and a form of palsy received a whole new safe and secure home for he and his family, courtesy of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.
Tonight, I'll be watching a group of plump yet determined individuals, vie for the title of biggest loser and a chance to start over and get their lives back.
I have become such a sucker for sentimental reality television. No, no, no, not the overproduced cliff-hanger junk that couch potatoes apparently salivate over because they wouldn't continue to spew forth such garbage if there were no collectors to pick it up.
I like watching good things happen to deserving people. And I love when it's done without the gratuitous drama.
Case in point -
- Bad Girls Club - This show makes me itchy. I had the unfortunate experience of making dinner, my hands submerged in raw chicken, when a program I was watching ended and this shriek-fest began. I have never seen so many disgusting people in one place in my life. In my life. Bad girl? What a horrific and embarrassing title to aspire to. I'm throwing up in my mouth a little just typing about it. If I were on this show, though, I'd probably get paid for it.
- Jersey Shore - I've been to the Jersey shore. It's covered in hypodermic needles and jellyfish carcasses. Children will gather the bodies and build sandcastles around them or race to see who can fill their bucket fastest. If I were a clean, wonderful, and amiable Jersey local, I would certainly hate this show more than I already do. I imagine, for me, it must be like when some loudmouth "Christian" proclaims to know more than God. The cast do know they're only famous because the rest of the country is laughing at them? Right? The only good thing that came from this show is Bobby Moynihan's spot-on Snooki impression.
- Bridalplasty - Worst. Idea. Ever. When I first saw the commercial for this gem, I seriously thought about giving up altogether. Giving up on the power of good and decency and quiet and private hope that the world is full of respectable and upright persons. I watched a few episodes. One must study the devil in order to know how to fight him. The show, on their website, is described as "Brides-to-be compete in challenges to earn plastic-surgery procedures in a quest to win their ultimate dream wedding." Wait. What? Aren't quests for heroes? And besides that point, the "challenges" are not why people tune in. We're talking about humankind here. The same humankind who gathered together in the coliseum to watch people get torn apart. Put a bunch of brides-to-be together and dangle a dream wedding in front of their ostensibly ugly and unacceptable faces and we might as well throw on some togas.
- Toddlers & Tiaras - I thought that maybe, just maybe, this might be some kind of expository review of the child pageant world in which we got to see more than the dark side that we are privy to in the news and movies. Instead, it pretends to be that. All this show does is give us the two things we should have expected. One, the perpetuation of parents with personal broken dreams who take living-through-your-children farther than it should ever go. And two, those same sycophants pulling the ultimate fraud in actually claiming that the pushing they do is only because they really care about their kids' decisions and they just don't want to see them give up so easily. These kids are like 5 years old. You push them to clean their room when they falsely inform you that they don't know how. You push them to go to a party they RSVP'd to but don't feel like going to on the morning of. You push them to eat their vegetables when you find out they've been slipping them to the dog. You push them to go to school when they didn't finish their homework the night before. You do not push a child to skip 20 years of childhood because you're bored and too old to play with dolls.
Ok. I'm not totally innocent. That is to say, I do enjoy a guilty pleasure reality tv program now and again. But it has to have something to offer. I am not merely entertained by the extremes of humanity's worst spawn. In fact, most of the time, it just makes me sad. And it makes me feel even worse when I start to realize I think I'm better because I can rise above all the muck.
Look, maybe I am, maybe I'm not. Maybe, simply by looking down my nose at these characters (because. . .they're not real people) I should be knocked down a few notches. Fine, fine. Fair enough. But get real. I don't think people watch this stuff because they can relate. Or because it invokes that I'm-not-alone feeling or the we're-all-in-this-together notion. I think they watch it because they want to feel better about themselves. At least I'm not from Jersey. Thank God I don't live in the kind of filth and disease the Hoarders do! Can you believe what a jerk that 15 year old boy is to his 16 & Pregnant girlfriend? How embarrassing to have such a Strange Addiction.
We are all morbidly curious at our deepest of natures. And I like a good axe in the head as much as the next guy but, for the most part, I tend to stay away from television that pits fools against fools for our entertainment. I used to say I wouldn't watch those kinds of shows if the fools were ignorant of how they were being used and perceived. But people are still lining up for their 15 minutes with the full knowledge that they are going to be made out as an idiot in front of the whole country. I guess that's their choice but it tans my hide when they claim they didn't really know what they were getting themselves into. Pffff. Live and learn. What do you want me to say? Most of us try to do that privately. Or at least not in the general public eye. You choose to attempt success on screen, you better be ready to fail in front of all the judging and anticipating eyes, too!
The television viewers of America have, as a whole, turned into an entire group of beautiful popular girls and everyone on TV is loser fodder for their snarky, albeit hilarious, comments. Shows like The Soup and The Dish have made a living doing just that. And they are far more entertaining than the shows that they mock. Why? Because at least they're going tongue-in-cheek, which is the way it ought to be. The Soup and The Dish don't actually take themselves seriously. They aren't just poking fun at individuals on these crazy reality shows, they are poking fun at the ridiculous idea that these individuals believe they're doing anything worthwhile.
Look, maybe I am, maybe I'm not. Maybe, simply by looking down my nose at these characters (because. . .they're not real people) I should be knocked down a few notches. Fine, fine. Fair enough. But get real. I don't think people watch this stuff because they can relate. Or because it invokes that I'm-not-alone feeling or the we're-all-in-this-together notion. I think they watch it because they want to feel better about themselves. At least I'm not from Jersey. Thank God I don't live in the kind of filth and disease the Hoarders do! Can you believe what a jerk that 15 year old boy is to his 16 & Pregnant girlfriend? How embarrassing to have such a Strange Addiction.
We are all morbidly curious at our deepest of natures. And I like a good axe in the head as much as the next guy but, for the most part, I tend to stay away from television that pits fools against fools for our entertainment. I used to say I wouldn't watch those kinds of shows if the fools were ignorant of how they were being used and perceived. But people are still lining up for their 15 minutes with the full knowledge that they are going to be made out as an idiot in front of the whole country. I guess that's their choice but it tans my hide when they claim they didn't really know what they were getting themselves into. Pffff. Live and learn. What do you want me to say? Most of us try to do that privately. Or at least not in the general public eye. You choose to attempt success on screen, you better be ready to fail in front of all the judging and anticipating eyes, too!
The television viewers of America have, as a whole, turned into an entire group of beautiful popular girls and everyone on TV is loser fodder for their snarky, albeit hilarious, comments. Shows like The Soup and The Dish have made a living doing just that. And they are far more entertaining than the shows that they mock. Why? Because at least they're going tongue-in-cheek, which is the way it ought to be. The Soup and The Dish don't actually take themselves seriously. They aren't just poking fun at individuals on these crazy reality shows, they are poking fun at the ridiculous idea that these individuals believe they're doing anything worthwhile.
But hey, look, if you're entertained by girls behaving badly, sticky orange people, bridezillas or baby women. . .knock yourself out.
No, really.
Knock. Yourself. Out.
No, really.
Knock. Yourself. Out.
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